Leonie

My name is Leonie Marie Cramer.

Before I will start sharing my experiences and impressions about being a volunteer, about this country and especially about Narva, I would like to introduce myself, in order for you to understand why I'm here.

For the impatient readers I can pretty much sum my story up like this: I don't know who I am and I want to figure it out.

And for everyone, who is interested in knowing the whole story; this is how I got here:

This year's summer I turned twenty. At the same time I graduated from High School in Germany, received my driver's licence, and started applying for universities.

Everything pointed to the fact that I was not a child or a youngster anymore; I was more or less voluntarily thrown into the adult world. This was not only incredibly scary, but extremely incriminating to me.

Suddenly everyone expected me to make decisions that would permanently affect my future.

As a result, I ended up applying for everything you can imagine. Everything that sounded 'good'.

When people would ask me, what I'm interested in, I did not know what to answer.

Don't get me wrong; I have interests. In fact, I'm a very curious and eagerly interested person.

I love to read and write. In school, I liked every of my classes and tried equally hard in all of them. I'm always the person at the party that starts serious, phylosophical  and profound talks, which last at least 2 hours, if not the whole night, and in my free time I enjoy to do all kinds of sports.

However, the problem was that I could not tell what my passion is.

I was not in posession of a great talent or zeal that could have helped me choosing a professional field.

I felt like I need to unkennel my passion, in order to figure out what direction to take in life.

But how?

It became clear to me that I needed more time. Time that was not granted to me. A decision had to be made, due to application deadlines.

So, as I said, I sent several applications to universities, companies and organizations, just to avoid being empty-handed in the end.

But no matter what, there was a steady feeling of uncertainty. I asked myself 'Are you sure, that this is what you want to do every day for a long period of time?' and I could not answer this question with a clear 'Yes, I'm sure!'

Furthermore I often doubted my own abilities. I was scared about not being smart, strong or consistent enough.

In the end of June I got approved for a voluntary project in Ghana, South Africa. The project was planned to start in September and should last 12 months. I accepted and for a long time I thought that this is what I want to do. However, when the organization asked me to sign the contract, I couldn't.

Many reasons led to this refusal and I don't want to go into detail, but most significant was again the problem of uncertainty, of self-doubts and in this case also the problem of money.

Aside from the fact that I, again, had no clear plan about what to do next, I was overcome by an important realization:

I knew that I need more time to think about who I am and who I want to be. At the same time, I wanted to learn something, I wanted to meet new people, to move forward, and don't stand still.

So I decided that for me the best way to do this would be a voluntary service abroad. With this end in mind I started searching for a project place. After all, Ghana was not a bad idea. The project and the organization just didn't match my personal capabilities and expectations.

While I was applying for projects, I recognized that a great obstacle for me would be the aspect of financing.

Many organizations rely on donations and, thus, expect the volunteer to contribute money by collecting donors or making monthly donations by themselves.

In the end of June a friend of mine told me about the opportunities that the European Voluntary Service provides for young people. She got accepted for a great project in Paris that deals with the reconstruction of houses and I couldn't believe my ears when she assured me that everything – from travel costs to food and accommodation – is covered. She gave me the phone number of a man called Davide. He worked at a German theatre association called „Jugendkulturarbeit e.V.“ - her sending organization.

After that everything happend extremely fast. The next morning I called Davide and asked him for help. I didn't expect much, since I had already written and sent several applications by then, without success.

However, the unexpected took place.

I still remember him asking me: 'What do you think about learning Russian?'

Suddenly I was about to live in a country, that has never been present in my concious mind, in a city I never even heard about. Beyond that, I would learn a language that I never intended to learn. But somehow I knew that it was the right decision. When I read about the project, everything in me was filled with enthusiasm. It suited my personal interests and abilites perfectly. It was varied and flexible. It was my project.

Now I have already lived in Narva for more than a month. It seems like an eternity to me and at the same time like it has only been a few days. The work at 'Narva Vanalinna Riigikool' and 'VitaTiim' gives me more than I could have ever imagined: Wonderful new friends, skills, bravery and confidence.

I'm looking forward to everything that comes next and invite you to experience it with me.

Yours,

Leonie

Comments

[Natalia]

Leonie, thank You, dear! I hope you will achieve and gain a lot during this year!